The World's Best One-Liners, Innuendos & Dad Jokes

Need a laugh? You’ve come to the right place. Whether you're prepping for a shit shirt night, spicing up a group chat, or just need a quick mood booster, this ultimate list of one-liners, innuendos, and dad jokes has you covered.

From outrageously cheesy to surprisingly clever, we’ve handpicked the world’s funniest short jokes to suit every sense of humour—whether you're into pun-filled punchlines, brilliantly bad dad jokes, or innuendos cheekier than your shirt. These are the jokes that make people stop and say, "Where did you get that from?"

So grab a drink, pull on your loudest shirt, and get ready to scroll through 300 of the best one-liners ever written. Let’s turn those polite chuckles into full-on belly laughs.

Best One-Liner Jokes to Tell Your Friends

Looking for quick laughs? These one-liners are short, sharp, and borderline genius. Perfect for pub chats, awkward silences, and anyone bold enough to wear a bad shirt in public.

1. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
2. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
3. I failed maths so many times at school, I can’t even count.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
5. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger… then it hit me.
6. I heard there were a bunch of break-ins at the car park. That’s wrong on so many levels.
7. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather — not screaming like his passengers.
8. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
9. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
10. I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean, I guess.
11. I know they say money talks, but all mine says is “Goodbye.”
12. The problem with kleptomaniacs is they always take things literally.
13. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory — all I did was take a day off.
14. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
15. Never trust atoms. They make up everything.
16. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling.
17. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
18. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
19. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
20. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.
21. I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make it on Tuesdays.”
22. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
23. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
24. Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.
25. I poured root beer into a square cup. Now I just have beer.
26. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
27. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
28. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
29. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
30. I told my mate he was drawing his eyebrows too high. He looked surprised.

Ultimate Dad Jokes

So bad they’re good. Dad jokes are the comedic backbone of family dinners, barbecues, and awkward lifts to school. Here are 30 of the finest (or worst?) dad jokes that’ll have everyone cringing and laughing at the same time.

1. I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
2. I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.
3. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
4. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
5. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
6. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
7. I don’t trust stairs, they’re always up to something.
8. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
9. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
10. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
11. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
12. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
13. Want to hear a construction joke? Oh… never mind, I’m still working on it.
14. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
15. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
16. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
17. I once got fired from a job at the orange juice factory — I just couldn’t concentrate.
18. My friend wants to become an archaeologist, but I'm convinced his life will be in ruins.
19. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
20. I got hit in the head with a can of Coke. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
21. I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
22. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
23. I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I’m OK but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
24. How do you organise a space party? You planet.
25. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
26. I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have too much on my plate right now.
27. I used to run a dating service for chickens — but I was struggling to make hens meet.
28. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.
29. I started telling people about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
30. The rotation of the earth really makes my day.

Clever Innuendos and Naughty One-Liners for Adults

Sometimes the best jokes aren’t loud — they’re suggestive. Here are 30 jokes with just the right level of filth to make your mates spit out their drinks. Perfect for parties, stag dos, and inappropriate family group chats.

1. I went to a seafood disco last week… but ended up pulling a mussel.
2. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
3. What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.
4. How do you make a water bed bouncier? Use spring water.
5. A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of vodka. The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.”
6. Sometimes I wish that my first word was “quote,” so that on my deathbed, my last words could be “end quote.”
7. I woke up and folded my bed back into a couch… nearly broke both my arms. It’s not one of those beds.
8. What has two legs but can’t walk? A pair of pants.
9. What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bellhop — he always jumps to help.
10. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
11. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
12. To see a man’s true face, look at the photos he hasn’t posted.
13. Winter: the season where we make the house as hot as it was in summer — when we complained about the heat.
14. What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
15. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
16. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
17. My girlfriend told me to stop being immature. I told her to get out of my pillow fort.
18. What do you call two jalapeños getting it on? Hot and spicy.
19. I used to be into sadomasochism, bestiality, and necrophilia… but I realised I was just flogging a dead horse.
20. I once dated a baker. She was a real tart.
21. I like my coffee how I like my humour — dark and inappropriate.
22. I bought a thesaurus and it’s terrible — not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.
23. I asked if I could pet the dog. He said no. I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll use my hand.”
24. Why don’t we play hide and seek in the bedroom anymore? Because good luck hiding with those moans.
25. That awkward moment when your parents walk in and you have to switch from “hardcore” to “How to Make Banana Bread.”
26. What’s long, hard, and full of seamen? A submarine.
27. Ever tried spooning in 30-degree heat? It’s just sweaty dry humping.
28. I’m not saying I’m bad at relationships, but my longest one was with a delivery driver — and even he left me.
29. I thought I’d lost my virginity… but turns out it was just misplaced in someone else’s pants.

Funniest Knock-Knock Jokes of All Time

These classic crowd-pleasers never get old. Whether you’re entertaining drunk mates, your kids, or just testing someone’s patience, here are 30 knock-knock jokes that deliver every time, from silly to saucy.

1. Knock knock.
   Who’s there?
   Nobel.
   Nobel who?
   No-bell, so I knock knocked.
2. Knock knock.
   Who’s there?
   Alabama.
   Alabama who?
   Alabama self.
3. Knock knock.
   Who’s there?
   Ayatollah.
   Ayatollah who?
   Ayatollah you already.
4. Knock knock.
   Who’s there?
   Control freak.
   Now you say, “Control freak who?”
5. Knock knock.
   Who’s there?
   Dentist.
   Dentist who?
   I heard you have some cavities that need filling?
6. Knock knock.
   Who’s there?
   Do you want two CDs?
   Do you want two CDs who?
   Do you want two CDs nudes?
7. Knock knock.
   Who’s there?
   When, where.
   When, where who?
   Tonight, my place, me and you.
8. Knock knock.
   Who’s there?
   Willy.
   Willy who?
   Willy want to see you naked.
9. Knock knock.
   Who’s there?
   Dewey.
   Dewey who?
   Dewey have a condom around?
10. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Justin.
    Justin who?
    You’re Justin time to see me strip down for you.
11. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Dozer.
    Dozer who?
    Dozer the worst knock-knock jokes I’ve ever heard.
12. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Tara.
    Tara who?
    Tara McClozoff.
13. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Anita.
    Anita who?
    Anita ride home — got space in your lap?
14. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Ben.
    Ben who?
    Ben over and I’ll show you.
15. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Ivana.
    Ivana who?
    Ivana take your shirt off.
16. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Peach.
    Peach who?
    Peach my bum one more time and we’re through.
17. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Olive.
    Olive who?
    Olive your shirt, especially when it’s off.
18. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Figs.
    Figs who?
    Figs the damn doorbell already.
19. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Icy.
    Icy who?
    Icy you’re not wearing anything under that shirt.
20. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Harry.
    Harry who?
    Harry up and take your trousers off.
21. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Mo.
    Mo who?
    Moaning won’t help — you’re still terrible at this.
22. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Dishes.
    Dishes who?
    Dishes the police — open up!
23. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Mike.
    Mike who?
    Mike drop if this one doesn’t land.
24. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Boo.
    Boo who?
    Stop crying — it’s only a joke.
25. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cash.
    Cash who?
    No thanks, I prefer peanuts.
26. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Howard.
    Howard who?
    Howard you like to get out of those clothes?
27. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Alpaca.
    Alpaca who?
    Alpaca the bags — let’s go!
28. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Ice cream.
    Ice cream who?
    Ice cream every time I see you naked.
29. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Lettuce.
    Lettuce who?
    Lettuce in — we’re freezing out here!
30. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Yoda.
    Yoda who?
    Yo’ da best, especially in that shirt.
    

Punny Jokes and Witty Wordplay

Puns are the caviar of dad jokes. Deliciously groan-worthy, painfully clever, and dangerously addictive. Here are 30 pun-packed one-liners and quips that’ll have you grinning, groaning, and stealing them for your next WhatsApp group ambush.

1. I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No — she says she’d rather have it in a cup.
2. How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.
3. What do you call a steak that’s been knighted by the Queen? Sir Loin.
4. Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.
5. A new wine has been made for cats. Won’t be long before they start sending regrettable texts.
6. Where does a winemaker get his gossip? Through the grapevine.
7. What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.
8. What kind of cheese isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
9. Did you hear the rumour about butter? I’m not going to spread it.
10. He opened a bakery because he wanted to make some dough.
11. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
12. What did the lettuce say to the celery? Stop stalking me.
13. Why did the strawberry cry? Because her parents were in a jam.
14. How do you make an egg roll? You push it.
15. What do you call a crustacean that promotes only his own interests? Shellfish.
16. Why did the racing snail ditch his shell? He thought it’d make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.
17. What do you call a cow that eats bluegrass and moos indigo? A moodigo.
18. Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it’s a little cheesy.
19. I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
20. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
21. Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino? Because he was on a roll.
22. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
23. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
24. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing — it just waved.
25. Did you hear about the bakery that caught fire? Their business is toast.
26. What’s a skeleton’s least favourite room in the house? The living room.
27. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forest1.
28. What kind of shoes does a thief wear? Sneakers.
29. Why did the man get hit with a pepper grinder? He was assaulting someone.
30. How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.

Cheesy Jokes that are Actually Funny

Some jokes are like supermarket cheddar — painfully mild, but you keep going back for more. These 30 cheesy zingers are the kind you pretend not to laugh at… and then immediately steal for later.

1. Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
   Because then it’d never take off.
2. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
3. I had to stop driving my car for a while — the tyres got dizzy.
4. Why do irons have a setting for permanent press?
   Shouldn’t that be... permanent?
5. If you can’t hear me it’s because I’m in parentheses.
6. I woke up and folded my bed back into a couch — nearly broke both my arms.
   (It’s not one of those beds.)
7. Did you hear they arrested the devil?
   Yeah, they got him on possession.
8. Why can’t you trust an atom?
   Because they make up literally everything.
9. Why was six afraid of seven?
   Because seven eight nine.
10. Some men say they don’t wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation.
    Well, that’s the point, isn’t it?
11. Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town?
    He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.
12. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
    So brunettes can remember them.
13. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
    Because they have two left feet.
14. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
    All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach…”
15. Why did the parents not like their son’s biology teacher?
    He had skeletons in his closet.
16. Did you hear about the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor?
    She was absent without gauze.
17. Did you hear about the statistician who drowned while crossing a river?
    It was three feet deep on average.
18. Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
    They just wash up on shore.
19. Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner?
    It was Chewie.
20. Why did the chicken go to the séance?
    To get to the other side.
21. Why did the rooster cross the road?
    To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
22. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?
    Too many cheetahs.
23. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
    Because he was stuffed.
24. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
    Because the “P” is silent.
25. Why do cows wear bells?
    Because their horns don’t work.
26. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
27. Why did the coffee file a police report?
    It got mugged.
28. What do you call fake spaghetti?
    An impasta.
29. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
    They don’t have the guts.
30. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot.

Funny Animal Jokes Everyone Will Love

From chickens to cats and bears to frogs, animal jokes just hit differently. Here are 30 of the funniest creature-based jokes guaranteed to bring out your wild side.

1. Curiosity killed the cat — but for a while, I was a suspect.
2. If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
3. What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
   A polar bear.
4. Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town?
   He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.
5. What happens to an illegally parked frog?
   It gets toad away.
6. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
   Because they have two left feet.
7. What’s a dog’s favourite homework assignment?
   A lab report.
8. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
   All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach…”
9. They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.
10. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.
11. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
    Dam!
12. What do you call the crustacean accused of promoting his own shellfish interests?
    Shellfish.
13. What happened to the cat who ate a ball of yarn?
    She had mittens.
14. What do you call the cow that ate bluegrass and mooed indigo?
    A moodigo.
15. Did you hear about the vet who prescribes birth control pills for dogs?
    It’s part of an anti-litter campaign.
16. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
    Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
17. What do you call a chicken who crosses the road, rolls in the mud and then crosses back again?
    A dirty double-crosser.
18. Why did the chicken go to the séance?
    To get to the other side.
19. Why did the rooster cross the road?
    To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
20. A new wine has been made for cats.
    It won’t be long before they start sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches.
21. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?
    Too many cheetahs.
22. The morning after, Dave wanted some hair of the dog that bit him.
    He’s at the hospital getting checked for rabies now.
23. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward?
    A receding hare line.
24. What did one flea say to the other?
    “Should we walk or take the dog?”
25. How do you catch a squirrel?
    Climb a tree and act like a nut.
26. What do you call a fish without eyes?
    Fsh.
27. What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
    “Put it on my bill.”
28. Why did the cow win an award?
    Because she was outstanding in her field.
29. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
    An investigator.
30. What’s a cat’s favourite colour?
    Purr-ple.

Hilariously Awkward Dating and Relationship Jokes

Dating is hard. Relationships are harder. But laughing about them? That’s easy. Whether you're taken, single, or somewhere in the "it’s complicated" zone, these 30 jokes will remind you why love is worth the laugh.

1. Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive.
   It’s called wedding cake.
2. Advice to husbands:
   Try praising your wife now and then — even if it does startle her at first.
3. She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet, she’ll mark the exact spot.
4. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
   She gave me a hug.
5. Am I the only man my wife has ever dated?
   Unfortunately yes — she said the others were all nines or tens!
6. I haven’t spoken to my wife in four years.
   I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!
7. My wife asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store.
   I realized when I got home that I had picked 7Up.
8. Why do some couples go to the gym together?
   Because they want their relationship to work out.
9. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
   With a ring!
10. I love telling Dad jokes.
    Sometimes, he even laughs.
11. I always have a take on everything.
    My wife calls my explanations dadsplaining.
12. We have the perfect dad-son relationship.
    You’re my son, and I’m perfect.
13. I love all my children the same.
    Except for the one that sleeps… I love that one more.
14. I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired.
    Why? I took a couple of days off.
15. I saw a subliminal advertising executive once.
    But only for a second.
16. What do you call a beehive without an exit?
    Un-bee-lievable.
17. Note to all dads of teens: keep a dog.
    That way someone is excited to see you!
18. I talk to myself.
    Sometimes I just need expert advice.
19. What is the sound of no-hands texting?
    (Literally awkward silence.)
20. I’m not a helicopter parent…
    I’m just surveilling with love.
21. What do you call a hippie’s wife?
    Mississippi.
22. Love is blind.
    That’s why you’ll never see it coming when she brings up your ex during dinner.
23. Marriage is like a deck of cards.
    All you need at the start is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
24. My wife said I never listen…
    Or something like that.
25. My girlfriend left me because I wouldn’t stop quoting Oasis.
    I said maybe…
26. Relationships are like algebra.
    You look at your X and wonder Y.
27. My partner says I never give them enough space…
    So I locked them outside.
28. I’m not great at the whole dating thing.
    I once asked someone to dinner and then said, “So… are you gonna pay?”
29. My last relationship was like a software license.
    I didn’t read the terms and conditions — and I regretted it.
30. They say love makes you do crazy things.
    I guess that explains karaoke night.

Short Jokes to Instantly Improve Your Mood

Sometimes, all you need is a one-liner to turn your day around. These 30 short jokes are bite-sized, brilliant, and dangerously addictive. Save them, send them, wear them — just don’t keep them to yourself.

1. Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first.
2. Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.
3. What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.
4. How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.
5. What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted.
6. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? So brunettes can remember them.
7. Our child has a great deal of willpower — and even more won’t power.
8. Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents.
9. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet.
10. What’s a dog’s favourite homework assignment? A lab report.
11. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach …”
12. Of course I wouldn’t say anything about her unless I could say something good. And, oh boy, is this good …
13. When he talks, it isn’t a conversation. It’s a filibuster.
14. She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet, she’ll mark the exact spot.
15. You can’t believe everything you hear — but you can repeat it.
16. There’s a lot to be said in his favour, but it’s not nearly as interesting.
17. They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.
18. Why did the parents not like their son’s biology teacher? He had skeletons in his closet.
19. I spent a lot of time, money and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.
20. Small son sitting on Daddy’s lap: “I’m still confused. Was I born in a nest or a hive?”
21. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
22. I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.
23. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
24. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
25. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
26. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
27. I told my computer I needed a break — now it won’t stop sending me KitKats.
28. I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
29. Want to hear a roof joke? Never mind, it’s over your head.
30. My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Dark Humour and Edgy Jokes for the Bold

If your sense of humour lives in the shadows, these 30 jokes will feel right at home. Grim, cheeky, and unapologetically edgy — you’ve been warned.

1. Why do vampires always seem sick?
   They’re coffin.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
   They don’t have the guts!
3. All vampires keep their money in a special place — the blood bank.
4. Ghosts are bad liars… because you can see right through them.
5. What’s the easiest way to burn 1000 calories?
   Leave the pizza in the oven.
6. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can?
   Because his wife died.
7. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
   Because his wife’s ashes wouldn’t fit.
8. They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.
   Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
9. What’s the difference between a condom and a coffin?
   You cum in one and go in the other.
10. A vampire walks into a bar and orders a mug of hot water.
    The bartender says, “I thought you vampires only drank blood.”
    The vampire pulls out a tampon and replies, “I’m having tea!”
11. How can you tell if your husband is dead?
    The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
12. A man died from a Viagra overdose.
    They couldn’t close the coffin.
13. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
    He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
14. An old man went for a physical and his wife joined him.
    The doctor asked for a urine sample, blood sample, fecal sample, and sperm sample.
    His wife said, “Just give the doctor your underwear, Morty.”
15. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
    Bone appetit.
16. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
    Finding half a worm… after you’ve already swallowed.
17. Why did the undertaker get fired from his job?
    He kept losing the plot.
18. What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?
    Its butt.
19. Why don’t graveyards ever get overcrowded?
    People are dying to get in.
20. What do you call a cannibal who’s late to dinner?
    Cold-hearted.
21. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
    A brick.
22. What’s the difference between an orphan and a boomerang?
    Boomerangs come back.
23. Why did the corpse go to therapy?
    To work through its unresolved dead issues.
24. I asked my friend if he wanted to hear a really good dead baby joke…
    …but he said he couldn’t stomach it.
25. Why was the serial killer such a good critic?
    He always dismembered the key points.
26. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
    Frostbite.
27. Why did the zombie fail his driving test?
    He couldn’t parallel park — his limbs kept falling off.
28. What do you call a haunted chicken?
    A poultrygeist.
29. Why did the burn victim become a motivational speaker?
    Because he had fire in his soul.
30. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
    After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”
    The woman says, “Me too — you’ve been eating grass for the past 10 minutes!”

Wear Your Humour Proudly with Shit Shirt Club

At Shit Shirt Club, we believe jokes aren’t just for telling, they’re for wearing, sharing, and starting conversations. Whether you’re into dad jokes, innuendos, one-liners, or dark humour that tiptoes the line, there’s a shit shirt (or blazer, or bucket hat) with your sense of humour stitched into every seam.

So why settle for boring clothes and awkward silences when you could be the walking punchline everyone remembers? Our loud, proud, and outrageously funny designs are made to turn heads, spark laughter, and raise awareness for mental health causes close to our hearts.